Monthly Archives: February 2014

Life Changing Recommendations For Forty-Something Women

By Gill Hart

Turning forty is a milestone in the psychological sense for a lot of women; one that many dread. But rather than being something to worry about, with the right attitude and determination, the phrase “Life begins at forty” can become a reality, not a cliché.

By the time we reach middle-age, many of us have often gone through major life upheavals such as the break up of a marriage, loss of a partner or career, health scares or watching our children leave home. However psychologically, if we are strong enough, our lives can change the moment our attitude does.

The maturity, life experience and knowledge we possess at this stage in our lives can be used to become more self confident and desirable than ever before. Women such as Halle Berry, Sharon Stone, Sarah Fergusson, Emma Thompson and Diane Keaton are testimony to this. Willie Russell’s 1989 movie about a bored British housewife, “Shirley Valentine” should be compulsory viewing at what can be achieved at 42!

Surviving an emotional trauma gives us chance to look back and build from the experience. The opportunity to reinvent ourselves, start a new fitness regime, change our diet, and carry out a complete wardrobe overhaul, keeping only the things that make us feel good. This opportunity for change should mean that we take more risks, make more mistakes and do things that, in the past, we have only dreamt about. A chance to let go of the strings attached to our old lives and to look on every day as a new experience.

Live for the Moment

In our forties we realize that life is made up of a series of moments. Those moments should be treasured and recognized for what they are; important elements of our past which have provided us with the memories, love and the determination to make us what we are today.

It’s not about the car we drive, the size of our house, how much we earn or our status in society. In our forties and fifties we begin to realize that life is about people and places, knowledge and experiences – it is up to us to decide how to use them. There is so much of the world to see, so many people to meet and so many things to do.

Despite what you have gone through in the past, live for the moment. Do not bring the past into the future, as it eats away at your existence and stops you from moving on. Banish every negative thought with a positive one, wake up every day with some small memory of a happy time in your life.

Do not think about what you want, but rather what you have. Take a look around you and savor the good things. A sunrise, a sunset, an act of kindness, a chance encounter – they all go towards making the person that you are.

As we get older it is very difficult to let go of the baggage that binds us, many of us don’t just have suitcases, we have trunks! Yet, without letting go of our bad memories and negative experiences we cannot truly appreciate living in the now.

Life Changes for the Forty-Something Woman

Making such changes in our forties gives us a better armor to cope with life’s challenges than a twenty something – we may have more resources, we certainly have more experience, and have developed a maturity that will enable us to handle situations more competently and wisely.

Our forties are a great time to concentrate on our own self development. Start each day with a positive thought, however small. It is often the most insignificant that is the most meaningful – a loving gesture or a kind word. Such thoughts get us through the day and help recover from traumatic times in our past.

No Regrets at Fifty-Something

Don’t look back on your life by reflecting on all the things you could have done. Take a message from Jorge Luis Borges in his poem entitled Instants “If could live my life over again…..I wouldn’t try to be so perfect. I’ll take more risks, I’ll take more trips, I’ll watch more sunsets….”

Human nature is such that the things we regret most in our lives are the things that we didn’t do, rather than those we did. If it all goes wrong, then pick up the pieces and move on. In the beginning it is very hard; easy to say, but not so easy to do. However, in our forties and fifties we get better at it!

In a few years time you can look back and truly say, “Life Begins at Forty“.

Gill is an experienced language teacher and trainer, having been teaching and managing language schools for twenty years. She is also a freelance writer and is currently studying journalism. She has taught in Europe, Thailand and The Middle East and now lives in Asia.

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How to Lose Weight After Menopause and Keep Your Sanity

By Pauline A Delany

If you’ve already reached, or are entering your menopausal years, one of your biggest concerns may be your weight. Conventional wisdom has always stated that, ‘as women we’re to expect that keeping our figure after menopause is impossible and weight gain is just one of the aspects for women over 40′. However, new research is taking this ‘conventional wisdom’ and debunking it.images

Although, bad eating habits such as indulging in the sugary sweets; fried foods, red meat; or caffeine, will put weight on us now that we’re over 40. Our body, unfortunately, doesn’t breakdown and use these types of substances the way it used to. Meaning unless we cut out the bad eating and drinking habits… weight gain after 40 is bound to happen.

That doesn’t mean we have to give up all of our favorite foods or drinks to maintain our weight, and asking a woman in menopause that’s going through multiple changes, to do so, is ludicrous; and a great way to toss her sanity overboard. There are simple steps to take, which will help women over 40 with weight loss – while keeping our sanity. First, and foremost, drop the high sugar; fried food; red meat diet, and go with low-fat menu planning. I’m not going to call it a diet because no one wants to live on a diet, but learning to eat low-fat meals will help with weight loss in women over 40.

It’s not a word women like to hear, let alone do, but we’re over 40 now, and we’re going to have to start to exercise to lose weight and to keep it off. On the good side; not only does exercise help us lose weight, but it also, helps us keep down our irritability level and our anxiety level; it will help us sleep, plus reduce our symptoms such as night sweats, hot flashes, and help avoid sleep disturbances, which are all a part of keeping a healthy sanity level.

I’m going to sound masochistic for a moment, and say that weight loss for women over 40 includes giving up caffeine. Sadly, it’s a proven fact that our favorite caffeinated drinks, will increase mood swings, and hot flashes, as well as, just about every other symptom included in menopause. On the subject of giving things up, if you’re a lover of spicy foods, you might want to give them up to some extent. On one hand, they are wonderful for weight loss because they boost our metabolism. On the other hand, the last thing we need to do is put spicy things into our system when we’re experiencing hot flashes because it will only aggravate the problem.

Believe it or not, herbal remedies and supplements can help with our menopause by reducing night sweats, hot flashes and will help boost our sex drive, which is a great stress reliever, and sanity saver. Lastly, another wonderful method to help us relax, stay calm, sane, reduce hot flashes, night sweats, and potentially raise our estrogen levels is trying traditional acupuncture treatments twice a week for ten weeks.

To find out more, visit my website for my free report “5 Big Mistakes Most Women Make After 40″ at http://www.weightlossforwomenafter40.com

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The Year of the “Chick Blitz” (Hollywood Discovers Forty-Something Women)

 

By Evelyn Kalinosky

According to Samantha Critchell of the Associated Press, 2010 is a “new day” for forty-something women. “Women are where it’s at in the world of entertainment – and we’re talking “women” not “girls” for the most part. Forty-something women, especially Sandra Bullock, had a banner year in 2009, and their influence is expected to continue,” writes Critchell.

She quotes Bonnie Fuller, editor-in-chief of HollywoodLife.com who believes: “There’s a shift in attitude. There’s a total chick blitz in general.” Fuller thinks Hollywood executives will take notice of the success of actresses such as Julianna Margulies, Jennifer Aniston, Kyra Sedgwick, Courteney Cox and their peers, developing movies and TV shows that give them roles that show evolving, desirable sexy characters who don’t hide from their age.

To which I say, almost in tandem: “Hell, yeah!” and “Are you kidding me?” I’m having one of those two-sided conversations with myself about what this endorsement really means. On the one hand, I applaud the greatly overdue recognition by Hollywood and the youth-obsessed media that there really is life out there for women over the age of forty. Not a life of slow and inevitable degeneration like the winding down of a clock, but a life brimming with possibilities. I applaud the acknowledgment, however late in coming, that beauty is not the province of the chronologically gifted (i.e. young), but is something that belongs to all women regardless of their age.

On the other hand I want to do something far less gracious with my hands than applauding (picture something other than the thumbs up sign, and the gesture that used to get my youngest child routinely grounded, if you get my drift). Hollywood giving those of us on the other side of forty the high-five feels rather like we’re being thrown a bone and should feel grateful, like we’re a fad, or the flavor of the month rather than the complex, multi-faceted, amazing creatures we are – and always have been.

Having Hollywood and the media’s “blessing” isn’t sitting well with me. I want to say: “Who cares?” what men in suits in a town known for unabashed superficiality think about what constitutes bling. And while I am a firm believer that life after forty for women doesn’t mean life without sex – or sex appeal – I chafe at the thought of stereotyping midlife women as “desirable sexy characters who don’t hide from their age.” I’d be happier if the mindset was simply “who don’t hide from their age” and leave sex out of it altogether. Whenever Hollywood brings sex into the equation it’s an immediate red flag for me; a cynical, but time-tested truism that the multi-dimensional forty-something woman will suddenly become rather one-dimensional in the hands of film and media.

I do, however, heartily applaud Meryl Streep, Julianna Marguiles and other over forty actresses who are refusing to play by the rules. After all, who made the rules anyway? I applaud the women I’ve interviewed for my upcoming book on women navigating in and through midlife. I applaud my friends, peers, and family members of the female persuasion who are aging gracefully and fiercely. They aren’t hiding their age. They aren’t flashing a neon sign showcasing their age. Their age is irrelevant. They are too busy charting their path – and it’s often an entirely new path that they themselves have bushwhacked because of so few role models around to have broken trail for them.

Although I commend these mavericks for their trailblazing ways, it’s a myth and a disservice to paint forty-something women as having all the answers. I hope Hollywood errs on the side of caution in its evolving characterizations of women in midlife. Life is messy. Life is complicated. Midlife women continue to struggle with career, family, health and wealth issues. They are dealing with grown children leaving the nest; with young children still in the fold. They are reaching the pinnacle of their careers or their plateaus, and are thinking about what comes next. Some women are dealing with health issues: cancer, heart disease, menopause, unexpected death. Some are uncovering long dormant dreams and talents, others shedding self-limiting beliefs that have dogged them for decades. Divorced. Remarried. Unattached. Forty-something women are no strangers to the ups and downs of living.

Life doesn’t change on the other side of forty. What does change, perhaps, is the way we deal with this ebb and flow in the second half of life. There is something to be said for longevity; for experience; for showing up over and over again that enables us to shake off the trials and tribulations that rain down on us each day. Midlife women don’t have all the answers – what we have is enough seniority to know we don’t need them in order to shine.

So I raise a toast to my sisters forty and older that you celebrate the year of the “chick blitz”, but do it on your terms. Keep on bushwhacking; keep on redefining and pushing the boundaries of what it means to be a woman in midlife, and I’ll be right there with you. Salute!

As an entrepreneur, Evelyn Kalinosky, CRC, helps women executives 40 and older to achieve a more sacred kind of success that is as unique as their fingerprint. She is a published author, speaker and poet and you can learn more about her at http://www.evelynkalinosky.com.

There is still time to register for a free one-hour teleclass:”Your Turning Point: The First Step Toward Your Extraordinary Life Waiting for You” that’s scheduled for January 12, 2010 at 12:00 p.m. ET/9:00 a.m. PT. The only thing you need to commit to is 60 minutes of your time. If you’re a woman executive whose career is beginning to feel like a tight-fitting pair of heels, this call is for you! You can learn more by following this link: http://www.evelynkalinosky.com/yourturningpoint.

“When your profit motive is no longer just about money.”

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Forty is the New Twenty? We Hope Not

By Tina Tobin

When turning forty it seemed that I was assaulted by the phrase “forty is the new twenty.” It was especially targeted at women since advertisers seem to assume that we are more susceptible to these messages than men. I first heard this proclamation when Demi Moore turned 40 and pictures of her in a bikini were on all the newsstands. Like many women in their mid-thirties, I hit the gym a little harder hoping to have a body like Demi when we turned 40.

Years later, we had to face everything we knew to be true about time and gravity. We women were still all for staying in shape, but we had to acknowledge the reality of trying to look twenty at forty. It is at best, overly optimistic, and at worst, borderline neurotic.

Around this time women were given a new outlook on this pitch of forty being the new twenty when Demi and the much younger Ashton Kutcher became an item. Maybe we don’t need to look twenty we all thought, maybe we can just act twenty. This brief fantasy didn’t feel right either. For most of us there are too many responsibilities at forty that don’t allow us to act like we’re twenty. Although women with reliable baby sitters did get a few Saturday nights of acting twenty.

So if we didn’t want to look or act twenty, we needed to ask ourselves “What is so great about twenty that anyone would want to recreate it at forty?” Aside from looking good in those skinny jeans that have made an unfortunate comeback, most women I know couldn’t think of anything. When we were twenty we worried about what nearly everyone thought about us. By age forty our list of people whose opinions we cared about was very small, and filled only with people that would say kind things about us.

Somewhere along the line, Demi Moore also seemed to find that there is a freedom to being in your forties that you don’t have in your twenties. Photos of her in glamorous clothes at Hollywood hot spots were replaced with photos of her in a ball cap driving her kids to soccer games. Of course this new look meant that she was photographed a lot less, but I guess she crossed the paparazzi of her list of people to impress about the same time we crossed off the women who go to gym wearing make-up and designer work-out clothes.

So after quite a bit of reflecting, I feel comfortable saying that women don’t want forty to be the new twenty. We wouldn’t mind a few less wrinkles and other trivial perks that come with being twenty, but we wouldn’t trade the lessons and the joys that graced us during the years between twenty and forty. I’d like to think that we are wiser at forty than we were at twenty. The true test is if we have learned to enjoy whatever age we happen to be and not waste a moment trying to go backwards.

Tina Tobin has been an advocate for women and family issues for many years. She is the creator of the interactive website http://www.luvemorleavem.com where women can share straight-forward relationship advice.

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